Princess in Training

An update.

2011-11-02T00:17:00.000-07:00

I haven't been blogging. Obviously. So, I've been thinking about what/how to change that. Truth be told, it's just not as big of a priority any longer. Groceries, laundry, preschool, work, exercise, and getting on the floor with these precious kiddos are my priorities. And after tackling all of these things, the actual act of blogging (writing, editing, uploading, etc) isn't always appealing to me. But I LOVE to go back through all my old posts and read about our little Princess in Training. This blog is a treasured keepsake of mine. And I'm afraid that if I don't invest the same amount of energy posting now that Isaiah has joined our family, it will become a deep regret of mine. So, baby steps I will try to take.

Starting with tonight and these iPhone pics:

Sweet Liv and her new cousin, Madison. My brother got hitched a week or so ago, and we are thrilled to have a growing family! These girls play so well together! Madison is older, but Liv can keep up quite well, and they play for HOURS with few toys and lots of imagination. I had the joy of watching our daughter truly bond with another little girl during our last visit...and I was so proud! Of both of these girls! And I'm so excited to watch their sweet relationship grow. And I must say, they were the two most beautiful flower girls, ever!

My precious boy. Wow, where do I begin?! I am so thankful for this little guy. The mother/son bond is really something. Everyone always says so, but until you actually experience it you just don't know. I'm sure it's similar for daddys and their girls, too. It is just so special. I'm so thankful He chose for me to experience both.

And these two?! They are two peas, let me tell you. When one sees the other, their face lights up. It is a beautiful thing. Liv is a little Mommy, always helping me take care of her brother. And Isaiah has her wrapped around his little finger. He can barely get two squeals out after waking from his nap, before she is tugging on my leg to get him up. They will always have a special bond, of that I am already sure!

And here is our little guy already sitting up on his own. It happened about a week ago...and had we not recently been traveling it would've happened a week sooner, I'm sure. Olivia sat up at 5 1/2 months as well. Another weird fact?! Both weighed 12 lbs 12 oz at their 4 month checkups. So weird.

Isaiah is loud and busy. Sweet and cuddly. Passionate and playful. And he is just about the smiliest baby ever. He loves getting kisses and is always trying to stand up on his own. His laugh is precious. He is somewhere around the 14 lb mark, wears 3-6 month clothing, and has tried a little bit of cereal. He is really starting to play with toys, well if by "play" you mean grab and put it in his mouth. He's great at that!

Me? Well, I'm....happy.

I'm trying to live in the moment more and worry less. I'm trying to keep growing...into the wife and mommy that He desires me to be. My plate is full. And I am tired, a lot. But I know these are precious blessings I've been given. I have a beautiful family to care for. No, all days are not easy. I am still learning and making plenty of mistakes along the way.

But at the end of the day, there is love in our home. Lots of love. And to me that's what really matters.

Can you believe...

2011-09-20T14:43:00.000-07:00

...that this "big" princess is FOUR?!

Yes sirrr, she sure is! This last birthday felt BIG.

Maybe it's because she started Pre-school last month. She was so excited. And my little social butterfly has loved every moment. No tears. No anxiety. At least not on her part.

This little one is full to the brim with PERSONALITY. She is a natural born performer. She lit up the stage at her ballet recital this year. She is constantly singing and dancing. She is very entertaining, for sure!

Four years. I can't believe it.

And this little one? Four months. Holy. Whoa. This being my second child, I THOUGHT I knew how fast time would fly. But man. Oh man, it seems like he was just discharged yesterday.

I love him. He has filled my soul with more love and joy than I thought possible. Isaiah Drake is the perfect addition to our little family.

Oh, how I miss blogging. Life has been a bit crazy for me, but I am committed to making more time for this! Liv was around five months old when I started blogging really consistently. Maybe the same for Zay-zay (Liv's nickname for her brother)? I hope so! Juggling is hard, and when I have free time now I am either playing with the kids or passed out on the couch. HA!

Send HAPPY BLOGGING thoughts my way!!! I am hoping to update you on each kiddo...individually soon!! Love to all...

Precious little faces.

2011-08-28T23:41:00.000-07:00

My heart was heavy this evening as I read about a sweet little baby that left her courageous parents today to fall into the arms of her Heavenly Father. I cannot imagine. I am so humbled. And so thankful. All I want to do right now is rush home, embrace these two little wonders, and never ever let go.

I had to see them. Luckily I had a couple videos on my phone. I've watched them a few times throughout the evening, and probably will a few more. And when I get home in the wee hours of the morning, I will hold her, then him. I will tell them that I love them, and will thank God for their precious lives.

(....Liv's video uploaded in two parts...)

The NICU

2011-07-19T23:47:00.000-07:00

*I started writing this post about 8 weeks ago. Forgive the delay. I wanted to do this experience justice, for myself and Isaiah. This whole multiple kid thing has thrown me for a loop ;)

About 36 hours after giving birth to our son, things were going great. The morphine fog had cleared, allowing me to eat, get up and shower, even fix my hair. I was moved to a larger room with a nice queen size bed and lots of room to breathe. Liv was in love with her new brother and would not put him down. Family and friends were visiting, snapping pictures, and celebrating. Yes, day two was wonderful. Until...

A nurse came in to do a routine temp check on Isaiah. It read 100.9, five tenths of a degree higher than what is considered within normal range. She said she would let the nursery know. I wasn't too terribly concerned as the room was fairly warm and he had been swaddled. Not forty minutes later, the same nurse returned to the room with a solemn look on her face. She didn't have to say anything. I knew she was going to take my baby. She told me they were going to be "admitting him to the NICU" and a neonatologist would be in shortly to answer our questions.

I was shocked. I hear those words all the time at work. We are constantly told such and such is going to be admitted here or there. But this was my child. And he was being admitted to the NICU. Serious stuff. What was wrong with my baby?

I took a few moments (seconds really) to say goodbye to Isaiah, and then watched as the nurse hurriedly whisked my baby away. Then the tears came. And my hands shook. My dad asked if I wanted to pray. Angrily I said, "No. I don't want to pray.....I don't want to do anything." I collapased into my pillow and sobbed. How could this be happening? Again? Olivia had a fairly severe case of jaundice. It was so painful to leave the hospital without her in my arms. Still today it is one of the hardest things I have ever done. In. My. Life. Throughout my pregnancy with Isaiah, it never occured to me it might happen again. I assumed that he would be coming home with me. So, in addition to being scared and worried about my son's health...I was angry. I'm ashamed to admit that. But I was...furious. How could He allow this to happen...for the second time?

The Neonatologist came to my room and explained that this was routine due to Isaiah's elevated temperature. They were going to start antibiotics right away just in case there was an infection somewhere. They would give the culture time to grow, as few as three days, as many as five. He said they were considering Isaiah a "well baby" until they knew otherwise. We just had to wait.

In the meantime, I was encouraged to continue nursing which meant we could visit at least every three hours or so. I was relieved that we'd still be able to have contact with our son. When we went in for the first time, I wasn't at all prepared for what I saw. There he was hooked up to all kinds of beeping monitors. The tiny blood pressure cuff had left red markings on his arms. His head was taped with the IV line that would administer his antibiotics.

It wasn't until he was in my arms that I felt a sense of peace. And in that moment I realized how foolish I was to be angry with God. I asked Him to forgive me and I plead that He shower his mercies on Isaiah. Let this be nothing, Father. Don't let anything grow on that culture. Please, please, please...no infection. Lord, I don't want to leave this hospital without my baby...

I learned once again that God's ways are not always like ours. I'll never know what caused Isaiah's temp to spike. The culture grew nothing, chest x-rays were good, and no diagnosis was ever made. He spent time in the NICU to essentially rule-out infection. And after four days in the hospital, my husband and I left without our baby.

Two days later Isaiah was up for discharge! To say I was overjoyed would be an understatement! One day I'll tell this little man how my heart raced all morning. I'll tell him that I fought back the tears while we got him dressed (in an outfit that his NICU nurses said fit his personality to a tee!)...

I'll tell him about how we adjusted his shoulder straps about fifty times before his nurse was satisfied...nearly driving Mommy B-A-N-A-N-A-S because I was so ready to get him outta there!

Honestly though? I am so grateful for all the ladies that cared for this little prince!

I'll tell him how amazing his Daddy was through it all. He was so good to me. I'll tell Isaiah about how in my darkest, most emotional moments his Daddy held me together. He unselfishly gave, at times putting his own emotions on the back burner. I'll tell him that we must've made that walk down to the NICU at least fifty times, and that there is no one else with whom I'd rather walked. I'll tell him how that week reaffirmed a thousand times why I married his Daddy.

My sweet boy,

I love you more than words can say.

The day we brought you home was and will remain to be one of the happiest days of my life.

I pray for God's wisdom as we raise you, that you would be an incredible man just like your Daddy.

You have so many that love you, little one.

Your big sissy thinks you hung the moon, and since bringing you home has been in love!

You have completed me in ways that I had no idea needed completing.
Olivia says that "we got the best baby boy for us."

I think she's right. You are the best.

My heart is so full.

I love you, Isaiah.

Goodbye, NICU!

The NICU will always hold a special place in my heart.

The hallway we walked several times each day.

Isaiah spent less than two hours here. Room 3006. Mommy and Daddy's 2nd honeymoon...minus the #uknowwhat.

i melt.

2011-07-08T00:28:00.000-07:00

when i stare at these two little faces, i melt.

they are beautifully amazing.

they are incredible little miracles.

and i am overwhelmed.

he is...

well, he's perfect.

and the little booger has stolen my heart.

wow.

look at that face.

mama's got it bad.

and she...

there are no words.

she is precocious, outgoing, hilarious, and so so sweet.

and she is gor-ge-ous.

i'm the momma. i'm allowed to say that.

being momma is not always easy.

but when she wraps her arms around my neck...

when he sees me and gives me a cheesy grin...

i know i'm exactly where i need to be.

i melt.

One month...already?

2011-06-09T10:01:00.000-07:00

Time never stands still...am I right? And while it never does slow down....it seems to speed by with a new baby. Those newborn moments are fleeting...

This is my little one month old. He's been growing and changing daily. I love his grin.

He's as handsome as he is sweet. He's loud, sometimes cranky, and very particular. He knows what he wants! I have no doubt he will keep me on my toes!

Momma loves you, Isaiah!

pure bliss.

2011-06-02T07:09:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share these precious moments because they represent so much to me. We watched as our daughter welcomed her baby to the family with an intense amount of love! She gave him a Lambie of his own, that she picked out all by herself. She was so sweet to Isiaiah showering him with kisses of adoration. My heart melted as I watched our first baby love on her little brother.

A few hours after these pictures were taken, Isaiah was whisked off to the NICU where he spent what seemed to be a very very long five days. That experience was incredibly difficult to have to go through. For a second time, I had to leave the hospital without my baby.

There were, however, some bright moments sprinkled throughout those hard days. Moments that kept me....well, sane. Moments that I will forever cherish. As soon as I can get a post together, I'll share...

my little hunk

2011-06-01T07:23:00.000-07:00

Yeah, he really is this perfect. And handsome. And sweet. And kissable.

Isaiah Drake

3 1/2 weeks old

Isaiah's Story

2011-05-31T13:04:00.000-07:00

In the days leading up to Isaiah's birth, I had resigned myself to the fact that my little guy was probably not going to turn, that I was probably going to have a c-section, and that our son would definitely be born on Tuesday, May 10th. I even got excited about the fact that I had time to schedule a facial and a pedicure the Saturday before Mother's Day. I made a silly list of things I wanted to do the weekend before my scheduled C, which included "get rings cleaned" and "buy an aromatherapy foot cream," both of which were very important as you can see...

Thursday, May 5th I woke up early. Unusually early when compared to the rest of my pregnancy. I wasn't looking forward to the day because it was my last night to work. And working until three am AFTER being Mommy all day long is exhausting. Doing it in your third trimester? Crazy exhausting. But, I knew it was my last shift before the baby so I kept a bright outlook all day and kept Liv extra busy! When she woke up we got dressed and headed out for the morning. We dropped the dog off at the groomers, made several stops, met a friend for a Cinco de Mayo lunch, and then hit up the playground. At around 3:00 p.m., I decided we'd better pick up the pooch and head home. Liv and I laid down in her comfy big bed and watched a movie and then I got ready for work. Around 6:30 p.m., I arrived at my desk only to find a group of ladies had brought a cake and a huge basket full of baby gear for me. Talk about feeling special! I was re-energized and felt great throughout my last shift. I even remember thinking, "Wow, I haven't had a single contraction and my hip hasn't hurt at all tonight!"

Little did I know...

My co-workers insisted that I leave work a little early (meaning 2:30 a.m.) and I gladly took them up on their offer! When I got home, I tip-toed into the bedroom only to find teary eyed Liv snuggling with Daddy. This was a first, and I just figured she was sensing the upcoming changes. I scooped her up and took her back to her room and laid down with her. I sang to her and whispered "our special phrase" in her ear, "I love you...with my whole heart and soul." She fell asleep and I stayed a few minutes longer staring at her beautiful face. This was my first...the one who made me Mommy...and I thanked Him for her. Over and over. And I prayed that our last weekend together as "just three" would be blessed.

Little did I know...

When I finally got into my pj's and in bed it was 3:30 in the morning and I remember thinking:

...So much for getting off early...I am sooo tired...Thank God that was my last shift...I'm so glad my water never broke at work...Man, Mommy and Me is going to be rough tomorrow...Just four more days, just four more days, I can do this..."

I started adjusting myself and all my pillows attempting to get comfortable. Not even two seconds after I found my comfy spot...

Baby boy kicked me HARD. I heard something burst. Then I felt something warm.

The little stinker broke my water!!!

I'll spare you the details from there, but let me tell you that my heart was beating out of my chest. We were going to have our baby!! There was no question that he was coming and I was thrilled...and already so exhausted.

We arrived at the hospital almost an hour later. I knew things would go fast, but I truly had no idea all that would get accomplished between my water breaking and Isaiah's birth just three hours later. For the most part I was filled with excited energy. Then as they started to get me ready to move to surgery I became really nervous. I was struggling to stay awake and I remember worrying that I would be tired for the remainder of his first day. Funny the things that concerned me in that moment!

As the C-section got underway I could hear my doctor and the assisting doctor making comments to each other about the difficulty of the procedure. Apparently the little man was wedged sideways pretty good! They pulled him out and I listened for what every momma listens for.....the cry. When I finally heard his soft little cry I breathed a sigh of relief and fell in love. I fell in love with my son I had yet to meet. When they brought him over an indescribable feeling washed over me. He was beautiful. And I was so thankful he had finally arrived.

A new norm.

2011-05-25T16:36:00.000-07:00

These...are my babies.

Precious, beautiful children that my husband and I have the privilege of raising together.

I've been writing Isaiah's birth story for over a week now. I hope to finish very soon....but until then I thought I'd tease you with one of my all-time favorite pictures. Two kids?! Two kids!! Wowzers.

Introducing...

2011-05-17T12:50:00.000-07:00

Isaiah Drake

born Friday, May 6th at 6:26 a.m.

7 pounds 4.4 ounces

19.5 inches

If my pregnancy was any indication, I should have known that this little boy would make quite an entrance. I can't wait to share with you the events surrounding his birth! I will post as soon as possible!!

4 in 100.

2011-04-28T23:52:00.000-07:00

Four percent. Those are the odds that a baby won't position himself in the typical head down delivery position around 37 weeks.

And my little stinker is in that four percent.

That's right. He's breech and lying sideways across my abdomen. He's all comfy cozy right there next to my heart. Or my ribs…

We found this out yesterday. And it was one of the last things I expected to hear. We went in for a routine ultrasound to check weight and positioning and to my surprise I heard the "b" word. Then the next word that came to mind was Cesarean.

Above all, let me say that he is healthy and beautiful. Watching him use his fingers to grab his toes was amazing. He has the same chubby cheeks as Liv did in her 3D ultrasound. And the tech commented that he has a lot of hair! We are so blessed and I simply cannot wait to hold my son.

But....this is not how I planned this to go. If I could choose he would be head down and engaged. He would come on his own just as Liv did, a little early but not too early. We would experience the excitement of going into labor, grabbing our bags, and driving to the hospital. That’s how it would be…if it were up to me. But long before I married my husband, delivered my daughter, or conceived my son....HE knew just how this would go. And in that promise is where I found my peace today. This is HIS plan. Not mine.

Upon receiving this news, we had a big decision to make. We could either schedule a c-section or try a procedure called External Cephalic Version, which is when the doctor tries to rotate the baby using her hands, some lube, and a lot of pressure on the outside of mommas belly. This carries some risk and I've heard it is rather painful. The success rate is about 50/50, which could leave the mother, having just endured the procedure, to still ultimately need the c-section. It could also require an emergency c-section due to fetal distress.

I spent the majority of yesterday afternoon and evening considering this option. I researched the procedure. I read forums where other women discussed their experiences with ECV. And as much as I wanted to (and I really did want to) try this procedure and possibly have a natural delivery...it just never felt right. There were too many unknowns and what if’s...for me. I will probably always wonder what might have been different if we tried the procedure. But I believe that His plan will be carried out regardless.

So... I am choosing to do what I feel will best protect my child. It’s not what I had initially planned, but I feel really good about the decision. I am just praying that His will be done. If little man turns, then he turns. If he doesn’t, then he doesn’t. And I’m great with either. I am not worried or afraid. I am calm. Happy. And I am getting so excited to meet this stubborn little guy…

…in just 11 days.

2011-04-14T07:43:00.000-07:00

We're just hanging out, enjoying these sunny afternoons

and each other

before our days are filled with feedings and diaper changes

before this little one's world completely changes

...for the better.

My beauty.

2011-04-11T12:17:00.000-07:00

This is my smart, sweet, spirited little girl.

And I love her more than words could ever say.

baby prep

2011-03-23T07:40:00.000-07:00

The past two Saturdays we've been busy getting our kids' (sounds soooo weird!) bedrooms ready! If I hadn't changed schedules at work I'm not sure how this would've happened! Praise God for knowing what we need when we need it! Sometimes all we have to do is open our eyes and ears :)

So, how do you keep a very anxious little three year old occupied on a working Saturday?! A portable DVD player, a happy meal, and the occasional paintbrush! That's how!

My handsome hubbie with pink roller in hand. Such an awesome Daddy! He works so hard throughout the week...and has been more than willing to work the past two weekends as well!

This was Olivia's first night in her big girl bed. She's doing great with the change. She's told us thank you and that she loves her new big girl room countless times. She is such a sweet little girl :)

Fast forward one week..........and it's time to get baby brother's crib assembled. Once again, Daddy had an excited little helper. Notice the tutu on top of her Nike sweatpants? Yeah, my girls got style ;)

Daddy trying to work.

Liv got bored handing Daddy his tools, and decided to pick up the camera instead. Not bad, Livy!

Self portrait.

We decided to give Daddy some time to watch all the games, so us girls headed to Disney Princess on Ice! It was so much fun and my date looked fabulous, don't you think?

Jasmine and Alladin...one of her favorites.

This girl LOVES Ariel!

And Cinderella's step sisters.....Liv has been fascinated by these two since we went to Disney. They were a part of one of the parades, and the sister in pink lifted up her dress and shook her booty. Liv thought it was hilarious!!

And here it is....little man's sweet bed. More work needs to be done, but things are coming together and seeing his little bed made it all so real. We are ready to meet you little man!

an update

2011-03-15T23:42:00.000-07:00

The lack of blog posts has most certainly not been because there hasn't been anything going on at our house. It’s quite the opposite in fact. The lack of posts has more to do with this: I’m wiped out. All the time.

This month I began third shift at the hospital. Only crazy people start a third shift job during their third trimester of pregnancy. I am officially...cRaZy. However, I felt that it was best for our family, and more importantly, I felt led that it was an answer to my prayers. So, I jumped in with both feet and have been praying that He blesses our decision. It hasn’t been easy, but it also hasn’t been nearly as hard as I imagined. I work just two shifts a week, never back to back, and get home in time to get about 4-5 hours worth of sleep before the Princess awakes from her slumber. It’s not for everyone. Heck, in a year it may not be for me either. But for now, it’s working. And I feel like the transition to having a newborn will be much easier now that I’ve been a functioning Mommy on less than five hours of sleep! We shall see…

This third trimester though….whew....when it hit? It hit hard. All of the sudden, the energy I had a few weeks ago vanished. I have little spells of energy at the gym, or while nesting, but for the most part I am physically exhausted all the time. I am fairly sure this baby is getting all he needs because he is TAKING it from ME! And that is something I am grateful for.

To think that our little man could come in six or seven weeks (early like Liv) blows my mind. This pregnancy has flown by. In the past few weeks we’ve kicked Operation Baby Blue into full gear and I am starting to feel as though we’re getting some things accomplished. Olivia is now sleeping in her “big girl bed” and seems to love it. We’ve moved her to a different bedroom which just so happens to be bright pink. Baby brother’s room is ready and waiting for furniture which should arrive very soon. We have shopping to do for both kiddos, but things are finally coming together. Momma is happy.

And Liv? Well, she is excited! We talk about her brother more and more everyday. I’ve assured her that Mommy won’t be pregnant forever and that this summer I’ll be able to run around and have crazy tickle fests again. She’s asked if brother can hear her and if he loves her. I know she will be a huge help to me and I can’t wait to watch her in her new role. I have had countless conversations with her about how there will be four of us soon. And Mommy will have two kids. And how my love for her will only grow and grow. I hope and pray she gets it.

So, there’s a little peek into my life the past few weeks. I promise the next “peek” will be lots of cute pictures of the Princess…which is much more important, I know!

how we'll roll...

2011-02-19T05:55:00.000-08:00

If this doesn't make "it" real? I don't know what does.

We are the proud new owners of this bad boy. And I'm getting excited thinking about all the shopping and parking hopping we'll be able to do in it. Thanks Dad for making this possible and kicking off Operation Baby Blue!

Yesterday I had a moment. We were out to dinner and Liv decided she wanted to sit by me. The seating arrangements weren't condusive to that, and let's face it, I'm pregnant and starting to get uncomfortable. So, we told her no. But she continued begging and whining about it. Eventually she turned on the water works. Granted, it should have been a teaching moment for her. We told her no and she was trying to get her way. But I couldn't do it. My eyes started,*ahem* watering, and I quietly said, "Soon there will be two. If she wants me to hold her, I want to hold her." So I held her. And in that moment I realized how emotional I am about this change. In numerous ways. One minute I'm elated and can't wait to meet our son. And the next I'm fighting the urge to squeeze my little princess and never let go. I know the second he's here it will all fall into place. Heck, many of you have two, three, maybe even four little loves. You've done it. It works. And there IS an abundance of love to go around.

But my second child isn't here yet. And so I'm patiently waiting to join your club. The club of moms whose hearts have in fact...grown.

Wordless Wednesday-ballerina style

2011-02-09T08:21:00.000-08:00

25 weeks.

2011-02-05T08:35:00.000-08:00

How is it possible that I have been pregnant for 25 weeks? It's hard to imagine that in about three short months we'll have a baby. I'm so ready to meet this little guy, and in the same breath am able to say that I am content to wait. Come May, I'm sure I will be more than ready. We've started checking things off our to-do's, which feels really good.

This is a rutabaga. I've never actually cooked with one, however i hear you can make mashed rutabaga and rutabaga puffs. Hmm, sounds interesting. This is also the approximate size of my little peanut this week. Darling, isn't he?

Liv is doing great. As my belly grows bigger and bigger, so does her excitement. She is ready to hold her little brother and I have no doubt that she will be a huge help when it comes to caring for him. I am cherishing these next few months with "just her" and trying to think of new and cool things we can do together. I just want her to know how special she is. She is the one that made me Mommy. She completed me in ways that I never could've imagined. And soon, she'll have to share me. Which is good. And I know having a sibling will add to her life in so many incredible ways. But for the next three months, I want to seize each moment I have with her. She is my baby. And she always will be.

A new year.

2011-01-25T15:17:00.000-08:00

I've done a lot of thinking about how I want to be different this year. It's not always fun. Or easy. But it is necessary. For me at least. My resolutions are few, but really important to me. I never want to become stagnant. I want to always be evolving and growing into a better person.

There is a statistic out there about goals that basically says that you're more likely to stick to and attain your goals if you write them down. So that's what I'm doing today. For myself. And hopefully come December, I will look back and be satisfied, if not impressed by my accomplishments.

First, I want to stop putting limitations on myself. Last year, I trained for a half marathon scheduled for the spring. I didn't end up running in that race, and instead flew to Arizona to mourn the loss of my stepmother, Cindy. And for weeks, even months after that I didn't run. I had received too many devastating phone calls while at the gym (or on the treadmill) that spring. So, going back to the treadmill to run felt like I was moving on. And it felt too hard. So, when it came time to train for the next half marathon in October, I let it pass me by. Yes, I was hoping to be pregnant. But I didn't even sign up. I didn't train. I barely ran. And October 10th came, and I wished that I had been a part of that race (little one in tow), but I wasn't. And now as I look back, I wish I would've pushed through that pain, that self-imposed limit I placed on myself. That would've been something to be so proud of. This year? I want to run. I will run. In October, I will run in the YMCA's half marathon. I will be 4.5 months postpartum. And I will run. Hold me to it, will ya?!

Second, I want to make my dream a reality. I love to design. And since learning the how-to of blog design, I've wanted my own business. I've even had a new name ready for almost a year. But things got hectic, and crazy, and my dream went on the back burner. And now that the fog of last year has cleared, I want it back! So, this year I want to re-launch my design business.

So where does the name come from? I had many different inspirations, the first of which was my daughter, Olivia. She is the reason that I began blogging and in turn found a passion for designing. Her name means peace-of the olive tree. And because she is a girl, and pink is her favorite color, it was fitting. Pink is also symbolic for breast cancer awareness, which is something that has become very personal for me. Finally, as I was researching "olive trees" last spring I ran across this verse: "But I am like an olive tree, thriving in the house of God. I will always trust in God's unfailing love." Psalm 52:8 NLT. So, not only is the name for my beautiful daughter, but it is also a tribute to a special lady and a reminder to trust His heart, even when we do not understand His ways.

Third, I want to stop hanging on to stuff I don't need. This one is not as serious as the first two...thank God, right? I just want to stop hanging on to stuff. I want to get really organized. I want to continue "nesting" all year long. Because I am getting a lot done right now. And it feels great! So, I want to continue to organize as I go. If we get new clothes, I want to get rid of some old ones. If the kids get new toys, I want to donate a few older ones instead of storing them. And I really want my coat closet to just be a coat closet from now on ;)

Last, I want to be a better me this year. I want to work on being a better wife and mother. I want to worry less and be a more laid back person. I want to stop wishing for things I may not have, and be thankful for what I do. I want to be more faithful with my quiet times and I want to use those times to faithfully pray for my husband and my children. I want to be the best healthy, joyful, fun version of myself that I can be.

So there it is. Nothing too big or too small. Just some wishes for myself in the coming year. And it feels great to write them all down!

Wild Wednesday!

2011-01-13T14:24:00.000-08:00

***I will not change this posts title, however I just realized that I was totally off! We did this yesterday, Thursday! Preggo brain at it's finest!***

Before the real craziness began...

Such a sweet, CLEAN little girl!

Uh oh. It's happening!

A different kind of pedi...

Oh, yeah. Paint your feet. Then walk around for a bit...

Liv wasn't the only one that had fun!

Before it got really crazy...

Painting on some "leggins"

She wanted me to paint on a Cinderella dress!

Oh yeah, Liv. Don't forget about your neck!

The aftermath.

This actually took less than thirty minutes to clean up. Melissa and Doug paint is very easy to clean...off of floors and bodies! Mix a little Dawn in with the paint........even easier. The joy on Liv's face made the extra clean up totally worth it!

must. get. busy.

2011-01-11T07:04:00.000-08:00

This is what I'm dreaming about for my little Liv's new big girl room. Pinks, greens, polka dots and paisley. She will go from a crib to a full size bed in a matter of a few weeks and I must. get. busy. She will move to a bigger room with a bigger closet (most girls dream!). She will have newly painted pink walls and hopefully some cool art her wanna-be crafty momma will make her. She's not too keen on giving up "her" room to her brother...but hopefully she'll get more excited as it comes together.

I can't believe this is the next stage. It's putting me in a mini coma. She slept in underwear last night, by the way. She truly is a big girl.

Baby boy? His room will be much easier. Olivia's old nursery bedding was a pretty light blue and taupe scroll pattern that reverses to stripes. It was great for Liv and will be even more perfect for him. He will get new chocolate furniture and the walls are already the perfect shade of brown! A little artwork and some boy touches and he'll be set!

But I really must get busy. Like this weekend. Or today.

we WISHED you a Merry Christmas.

2011-01-08T19:41:00.000-08:00

I may have missed it by, let's say a few days or so, but I really hope you and yours had a fabulous Christmas! This year was especially special because Olivia really got into all the festivities AND I was able to enjoy both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my family. This was an unexpected surprise as I work part-time in the ER and must take my turn working holidays (insert groan here). So yes, this year was extra wonderful. And of course, the best present of all was finding out the day before Christmas Eve that we were expecting a healthy baby boy! Christmas could've ended right then and there!

But Santa had big surprises in store for a very special little princess...and I just have to share some of our traditions and a few pictures!

The yummiest homemade sugar cookies EVER! Such a great Christmas Eve tradition!

Chocolate Covered Strawberries...Liv's request. I told her Mrs. Clause would definitely like them!

Santa's treat plate and a little something for Rudolph.

And because Liv is sooo special,

Santa always makes a pre-Christmas stop to get her all excited before bed!

"Livy, I think I heard something outside. Let's go check it out!"

The most beautiful White Christmas Eve!

"Santa left that just for YOU?"

Can't forget to sprinkle reindeer food!

What did Santa leave?

NEW Jammies!! A long standing family tradition I grew up with. New jammies on Christmas Eve...nothing better!! And new slipper boots?!

Liv's favorite gift from Santa...a new dollhouse complete with rooms and people! When she saw this she said, "Santa did a good job. I've been wantin this for 33, 99 years!"

Opening presents...

And more presents....

Then she spotted something in the kitchen...

Her very own market! Perfect for hours of grocery store play!!

Don't forget about the stocking, Liv!

My husband and I had a great time shopping for her this year. It seemed that she had grown out of several of her toys, so we took a lot of joy in being able to give her a Christmas she was so excited about. But above all, she knew who and why we were celebrating. She knew it was Jesus' birthday, and to hear her say that all month long warmed my heart...over and over again.

Now, if I could just get her to quit asking me to sing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer at bedtime.

I'm seeing blue.

2011-01-06T14:41:00.000-08:00

And that's because we will be welcoming our little man to the family in May!

That's right......IT'S A BOY!!!

A BOY! It's been hard to believe, and I think we are still in a bit of a shock. We were both convinced, truly, that it was a little girl. In fact my husband thought he was destined to have a house full of women!

But there is no denying that a little man is what God saw fit for us to have. And we are thrilled! The little guy hid his "stuff" from us for the first forty minutes of the ultrasound. All we could see was a beautiful view of his spine. He just wasn't going to move! I had a little pep talk with myself...."It's ok if we don't find out today. You will live. It will be ok." Then I said a little prayer and plead with God to make the little one move. Not a minute later did he start to move....and move....and move. He was tumbling around so much in fact, that the ultrasound tech started "pausing" the screen at certain points just to see what kind of view we might get. And as luck would have it, she got "the shot" and I knew immediately what my eyes were looking at. My mouth dropped for a second and then I blurted, "It's a boy. Isn't it?" The tech's huge grin confirmed what I already knew and tears filled my eyes. I looked over at my husband....whose jaw was on the floor....and I had the joy of watching the biggest smile slowly spread across his face. We laughed and just kept saying, "Boy. It's a boy. Oh my gosh. A boy?!" It was one of those moments I will never forget.

It has taken a little longer for Olivia to catch on to the excitement. She was convinced she was going to have a sister. So convinced, that as we were on the phone calling family, she was arguing and getting herself all worked up! Now, she is happy about her baby brother. She wants to get him a blue train, and has requested a pink train so she can play along.

I am just so thankful for this precious little one. Even now, as he is kicking and turning, I am in awe of the miracle of life. And I feel so blessed. I have an amazing husband. A smart and beautiful daughter. And now a precious son. Thank you Lord for these gifts.

Merry Christmas, Cindy.

2010-12-22T14:22:00.000-08:00

I love this picture. I came across it today, and just wanted to share because it means so much to me. This beautiful picture of Cindy was taken last year at Thanksgiving. She's holding my sweet nephew (not in real life, but in my heart) Emerson, my best friend's son. Christmas was her favorite time of year...which makes this picture even more memorable. She loved the music. The lights. The trees. She loved it all. She's all dressed up here. I love it. She wanted this day to be so special. It was Thanksgiving. And there was much to be thankful for. Full brain radiation was working! She had fought against 16+ brain tumors...and a recent scan had showed just one visible lesion remaining. There was such hope in the air!

It will be a different kind of Christmas this year. My dad writes about it here. It's one of my favorite blog posts he's ever written. I've read it over ten times now, not once without a tear. It's beautiful and just so real. Thanks Dad for being courageous enough to share this journey--the good, the bad, and the sad--with the world.

I think this picture speaks a thousand words, so I will leave it at this:

Merry Christmas, Cindy. You are missed...and so very loved.

sneak peek and an update

2010-12-13T12:25:00.000-08:00

Last week we had Liv's three year pictures taken. We're a little behind, yes, but as long as she's three in the picture it still counts right?

I fell in love with the photographer. Well, in love with his work, I should say. Chris and his wife were so wonderful to us. He is very talented, and has that artistic eye that I so appreciate. Funny, that my other favorite photographer's name is Chris, too? Anyway, I am THRILLED with how the pictures turned out. Some pics were vintage, while others were perfectly simple. He captured her personality so well! Thank you, Chris Berneking Photography!

Things on the pregnancy front are...progressing. My belly is growing, some irritating symptoms are subsiding, and I'm starting to really give thought to what is going to be happening in a few short months.

I find myself doing every day tasks and thinking, "Wow, this won't be as easy in a few months." And I guess it's only natural as you prepare to become a second time mom to have those concerns. Will my firstborn get enough of my attention? Will she understand that my love for the new baby takes away absolutely none of my love from her? Will I be able to give as much time and attention to the new bebe as I did the first? It will be different, but I am ready for the new stage...just give me 20 more weeks...and I'll for sure be ready :)

P.S. We find out a little more about bebe #2 (including the sex) on December 23rd! CAN'T WAIT!!! Boy or girl?! We shall soon see!

P.P.S Olivia is doing fantastic. She is growing and learning and changing on what seems to be an hourly basis! She is now insistent that the baby is a sister. I have had to remind her several times that there's a possibility it's a brother, too. She argues with me about that. I wonder if she'll be right?

this girl...

2010-11-24T15:27:00.000-08:00

is amazing. She is the light of our lives and we love her so.

She is small in stature but mighty in spirit. She is passionate, persuasive and definitely the sweetest thing on this earth (I'm allowed to say so being her mommy and all). She has a smile that, as you can see, could brighten up any room.

This girl is a girly girl. She loves all thing stylish and pink. In fact she knows the word "stylish" and uses it correctly. And in most cases, she is right on when deciding if something is stylish...or not. She loves dressing up, playing with her princesses, and doing mommy's hair (which is sometimes rather painful, but I let her anyway)!

She loves playing with Legos, matchbox cars, and train sets. And I think it's way cool. She's just as comfortable running around the playground with the boys as she is playing dollhouse with the girls. Love that about her!!

This girl is excited about becoming a big sister. She says she is going to feed, hold and dress the baby. Some days it's definitely a boy. And his name will be "Randy." Other days it's a girl. That she is still going to name "Randy." She will be the best big sister. I can't wait to watch her in her new role!

She is a tender spirit and has been so wonderful throughout the first part of my pregnancy. She is wise beyond her years, knowing when a hug or a sweet word is needed. Just this morning she kissed my cheek and told me she was going to be my little girl forever. Tear. I just love this little one. And I couldn't let this Thanksgiving come and go without saying so here.

Thank you Lord for choosing me. For giving my husband and I this precious gift to raise here on earth. I am beyond blessed. And so very thankful.

And then....

2010-11-10T18:55:00.000-08:00

there were FOUR!!!

We are thrilled to announce that our family is growing! Our princess will become a BIG SISTER this coming MAY!!! God is GOOD!

I did manage to write two pregnancy posts during my first trimester...more pregnancy details to come if I can keep my eyes open long enough to write them!

Six weeks.

Six is the number of weeks that I am pregnant. And already feeling it. Which is shocking to me.

But let me back up...to the beginning.

I've been wanting a Spring baby. An April showers or May flowers little bundle of sweetness. My husband says I'm weird because I like to plan things out. I think it drives him crazy. But I like plans. I also want our kids to have different birth months in different seasons. I know...so weird. Kind of crazy.

Well, as far as plans go, HIS plan is finally jiving with MY plan. And I am so grateful. We are excited to become a family of four this May!

We found out on Olivia's 3rd birthday. In our hotel room at Disney. It was a lovely birthday gift...that is still a secret from the big sis...for now. I keep thinking about how incredible His timing is. Of all the days to find out your family is growing..... well, I feel like it's a beautiful promise. And after the past year I am ready for a beautiful new promise.

Now I sit here slightly preggars, my jeans already feeling snug, wondering how in the world I will keep this a secret for another six weeks! With Olivia we told at four weeks....FOUR weeks! I look back and consider this slightly crazy. But we were so excited. This time? We realize what's at stake. The excitement is still great, but we are more reserved. A little nervous. And anxiously waiting for the first of November.

I can't believe it's really happening!! Lord, shine on us with your GRACE and MERCY! I pray this baby is healthy, strong, and flourishes during this crucial time. I know what a huge blessing and gift this tiny little peanut is....and I am so thankful.

Nine weeks.

The countdown has begun. I am nine and a half weeks pregnant and very ready for this first trimester to be over. The past four weeks have been difficult for me. In short I have had a lot of nausea, headaches, fatigue, and to top it all off...a cold that I have been unable to get relief from. I can't breathe, I feel like i have no energy, and I just haven't felt like me.

Emotions are also in high swing. I was watching The Biggest Loser on DVR when Liv woke from her nap yesterday. She likes to snuggle when she first wakes up, so I brought her out to the couch and continued watching a few minutes of the show. It was the part of the show when the winning team received letters from home. I LOST it. I was sobbing with sweet little Liv sitting on my lap. The explanation of my tears to her only brought on more tears, from both of us. It was a really sweet moment full of hugs and I love you's.

We have yet to see a doctor or have an ultrasound. My first prenatal appointment is in a few days and I am so ready. I just want to know that everything is progressing as it should. This pregnancy is in a lot of ways similar to my pregnancy with Liv. It just seems that the symptoms this time are heightened a bit. I will be eleven weeks along when we tell our parents here in town. And two days later, Liv and I will head to Phoenix to share this exciting news with our family there! This trip is an unexpected blessing with perfect timing! I just can't wait!

Halloween throwback.

2010-11-04T06:44:00.000-07:00

This week we're spending time with my family out west, so I thought I'd "honor" my brother and sister by posting these adorable Halloween pictures. Enjoy :)

I LOVE this picture! We were definitely princesses! And that little guy is a computer...if you couldn't tell. Just wondering about the blue eye masks. Maybe we were superpower princesses?!

Here we've got a rowdy cowboy, a "stuck her finger in the socket" cheerleader, and a mouse. Wow, short end of the stick, huh Jess? Middle child syndrome at it's finest. :)

Here we've got....oh wait....these were our real clothes.

Fall fever.

2010-10-10T08:59:00.000-07:00

I've already made our first batch of Cheeseburger soup. We've picked out our first round of pumpkins and painted them. And mums the word as I'm trying to turn my thumb...green. I'm craving candy corn and have already replenished our stash of hot cocoa and marshmallows. I've been stocking up on tea lights and scented candles because a candlelit home seems so....fall. Yep, I've got fall fever. In fact, I actually think I have a fever. The weather is wreaking havoc on me....ONLY where I live can the high be 92 and the low be 42....in the middle of October. That's a bit of an exaggeration...but it really was in the 90's yesterday!

Here are a few pictures of our THREE year old from the other day. I still can't believe it. That's she's three years old. Time is going so fast that it's a little scary. Sometimes I want to stop the clock and keep her this way forever.

Olivia's three year check-up went very well. Our little tink weighed in at 23lbs 10oz (she is still weighed on the infant scale so we can get every ounce accounted for. I love my doctor for this!) and she is 33 1/4 inches. She grew 2" this past year and gained 2 pounds! She IS growing!! She is tiny, but as long as she stays on her own curve, and doesn't dip below, she is doing fine. Our doctor has always been impressed by Olivia's language development and comprehension. She is a very smart little girl. God packed quite a punch in her little frame and we are already so proud!

Liv loves to act out scenes from her favorite movies. She even "directs" us when we aren't "doing it right." She loves to play kitchen, chopping up and serving vegetables for hours on end. The other night she was serving Cucumber Chocolate Pie. Maybe she'll be the chef at a fancy restaurant one day!? She loves to sing and dance and run outside. She has an incredible imagination and is starting to play alone in her room more and more. Buckets and purses become magical elevators that take her dollhouse people to the top of her bookcase. She is adventurous and uninhibited. She loves clothes, chapstick, lotion and..........shoes. Does she love shoes!

She is a special little girl. We are so incredibly blessed.

Celebrating Cindy

2010-09-26T18:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a special day. We participated in our local Race for the Cure, and walked/ran in honor of Cindy. It was beautiful outside, a perfect day for a race. And it truly was a celebration. I found myself smiling more than I thought I would, encouraged by the number of people there. It was incredible to see how many lives have been impacted by this one disease. Some walked arm in arm with their survivor. Many, like us, walked in memory of a lost loved one. At the finish line, the survivors walked through a special line where they stated their name and how many years they have been a survivor. I teared up and found myself wishing she was there to say, "I'm Cindy Wyatt. And I've been a survivor for one year."

That was tough. To hear over and over, "Survivor for 15 years...Survivor for six months...Survivor for 40 years...," and wonder why not Cindy?

I spent a few minutes being jealous of these blessed survivors and their families, then I had a reality check. And I had a personal little celebration of my own.

"Cindy Wyatt. Completely healed and living with Jesus for nearly six months."

And that is something she would want us to celebrate!

A crisp fall morning!

her words on the back of our tees

Em wore her momma's shoes for the race...

Celebrating Grammy

Liv and Iz

Izzy rocks the pink!

Me and my stepsister Emily

Team Cindy

My precious little family.

Our shirts made a statement!

Izzy is ready to GO!

Liv was ready to roll...

Em's race number was meant to be. Cindy's birthday was June 23rd.

Our family, unable to be there in person, celebrated and remembered, too.

My brother Josh rocks the tee...

...along with his beautiful girlfriend and sweet Madison.

My gorgeous sis celebrated too...

My dad. Celebrating with strength, grace, and so much faith.

I think she was smiling down on us yesterday. We miss you Cindy. Hope we did ya proud.

A Disney Birthday part I

2010-09-23T08:31:00.000-07:00

If I had to pick five words to describe our recent trip to Disney I would have to say that it was: WONDERFUL. FULL. ENCHANTING. DELICIOUS. EXHAUSTING.

A Disney vacation is jam packed with action, food, running from place to place, and lots of fun. We had a great time, and I'll be using my next couple posts to show off pictures and tell a little about our trip. (You may not want to read about our vacation for the next five posts...but I promise you there are some that do....grandparents, aunties, uncles....they're crazy like that!)

Our vacation started with a road trip--something I have not done in a long time. I was dreading the 12+ hour drive...anxiously dreading it. We had planned on driving through the night hoping Liv would sleep, but as we were packing the day before, decided to leave earlier than planned. Best decision ever. Our little Liv was a trooper that first day as we drove 9.5 hours to Valdosta, Georgia stopping only a couple times to fuel and fill our bellies. The next day we woke early and drove another three hours to Disney! I was so surprised at how well our little road tripper did in the car. We watched lots of movies, sang songs, and played Riddley Riddley Ree (not sure on the spelling there). We didn't have a single meltdown, and for that my husband and I were very thankful. And impressed.

That first night we had a reservation at Chef Mickey's, which was a favorite for all three of us. This was the first character dinner we did, and it was a great kickoff to a great trip! Can't wait to share more very soon!

Olivia a couple minutes before our reservation...who could blame her?

a MUST do if you have kids!!

trying to wake up

It didn't take much, and she was up and ready for FUN!

Donald was the first to sign her autograph book!

Olivia couldn't get enough of Minnie!

She said "Ah, Minnie is soooo cute!"

So adorable!

Goofy was HUGE!

M-I-C-K-E-Y!

The first of MANY birthday cupcakes...

Mickey and Liv dancing and twirling napkins to the birthday song!

Pulling Pluto's ear

Awww, Pluto.

She is STILL talking about how Pluto signed her book on his nose!

I will...

2010-09-17T07:14:00.000-07:00

do my absolute BEST to update about our Disney Trip sometime this weekend!

Princess Tiana, Olivia, and Prince Naveen

9.9.10

To remember and honor...

2010-09-01T14:59:00.000-07:00

The 2010 Team Cindy Race for the Cure t-shirt design. What an incredible way to honor her life. These words are hers...she often wrote them in her Caring Bridge posts. I know they gave her a great deal of strength, and I hope that on September 25th she gets a glimpse of her family and friends celebrating her life and supporting a great cause!

Go Team Cindy!

the zoo

2010-08-30T05:58:00.000-07:00

Don't you love it when fall teases you with signs of what's to come?! We had a gorgeous day this past Thursday and with a high of 82 and no chance of rain, we headed out to the local zoo. It was a great Mommy/Daughter day and I'm so glad I get to spend my days with this precious little girl!

I love watching things through the eyes of a child! The simplicity they bring to life is so refreshing!!

I was so proud of her for trying this spider web climb!

She's a little batty :)

Such a tender spirit...she loved this dirty little goat!

That's all for now!

Have a great week everyone! We will be busy busy here because we are DISNEY BOUND in 8 days!! Whew, I'd better get off here and start making some lists! Happy Monday!

Christian.

2010-08-24T14:37:00.000-07:00

Today I had a bit of a run in with a "Christian." Actually, it wasn't so much of a run in as it was a "run away." A sixty plus year old woman, who has probably known me since I was a toddler, saw me walk into a restaurant with my daughter and did everything in her power to avoid eye contact and run away. We both know she saw me. We both know that there are lingering issues there. However, I was prepared to smile and say hello. She, apparently, was not. So she avoided me at all costs. She cut off a conversation she was having with a mutual friend, so she could run away, and not have to speak to me.

The experience got me thinking:

If that's what a Christian is...then I don't want to be one.

I love Jesus. I will follow Jesus. And I will teach my children to do the same. But if being a "Christian" means I have to be judgemental, rude, and hypocritical?! Thanks, but no thanks.

If being a Christian means that I pass judgement on a young unwed mother of two? I want no part of it. If it means that I can't accept the alcoholic sitting next to me on the church pew? Forget it. If it means that I cast eyes of distain upon a couple that has just gotten divorced? Or worse? Look at their poor children with those same critical eyes?! Then shove the freakin title! I don't want it.

What I do want? I want to love Jesus. I want to love people. And I want to accept others, no matter what our differences may be. I want the things that I have been through in my life, to help me witness to others. Not with my superficial words. But by the way I life my life. And by the way I treat other people. I am no stranger to hurt, pain, or brokeness. And now, after thirty years, I am finally seeing that those hard things I have been through may have had a purpose after all.

I can look at that young unwed mother of two and admire her determination. I can see that the alcoholic sitting beside me loves Jesus, just like I do. And I can appreciate the strength it must've taken to walk through those church doors. I can look at the recently divorced couple, and their kids, and understand how much they're all hurting.

So my "run away" with the "Christian" woman today definitely left it's mark. But instead of allowing that experience to make me sad or bitter, I am going to use it to motivate me. I am inspired to be a different kind of Christian.

And I expect you to call me out if I ever forget...

what a difference...

2010-08-24T09:51:00.000-07:00

a year makes. It's amazing how fast time is flying by....

p.s. check the thighs :)

sunny days

2010-08-18T14:52:00.000-07:00

I thought we should hit up the local splash park at least once more before the summer ends. We had a great time splashing and swinging...so much fun that I'm going to try and fit in one more visit before the summer officially ends! And to top it all off, as we pulled into the driveway Liv said to me, "I had fun with you today, Mommy."

Isn't being a Mommy the greatest!?!

Serious Livy.

My little mermaid :)

The other little girl was not trying to scare Liv, although it appears so! They were playing!!

I know she's getting bigger when she can get up on the whale all by herself!

Watering the.....splash park.

She is NOT doing what you THINK she's doing here. At least I don't think so.

She loves this place!

Of course, our trip isn't complete until we've been on the swing. This child could swing for hours.
Isn't she sweet?!?!!

just to give you an idea...

2010-08-17T05:34:00.001-07:00

Just HOW verbal is our child? I think the following quote may give a little better insight than I ever could...

It was yesterday morning. And yes, this is the exact quote because it was so funny that I immediately jotted it down. Word. for. word.

It was morning, right after Liv woke up. She was helping me make her "pink milk." I handed her the spoon and told her to go ahead and stir. And THIS came out of her mouth:

"Why does everything have to be bossy with you?"

Hilarious! I'm still laughing...

daydream.

2010-08-13T06:02:00.000-07:00

Just sitting here daydreaming about not going to work. And going on vacation instead. Imagining what Liv's face will look like as she steps out of the car (12+ hour drive...) and steps foot onto the resort. I can't wait to see her eyes light up when she realizes giraffes and flamingos are among the attractions there. I'm excited to see her get her "Mickey's Special Guest" and "It's My Birthday" buttons, both a guarantee that this will be her week and she will be doubly spoiled. I'm anticipating lots of yummy food and an entire WEEK of not cooking or cleaning up! Thinking ahead to her birthday and what a special day that will be. Grinning big when I picture her in the chair at Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique getting her "princess glam" on before we head to Cinderella's Royal Table for dinner. Slyly laughing when I imagine my husband's face when he sees the prices at the princess salon (thus I'm stashing cash back now, and we're taking our own dress) and thinking of how I'll remind him that this was all his idea... She picked Cinderella, by the way. Of all the princess and fairy options, she finally picked Cinderella. My little romantic child. Of course, why wouldn't she?

Fighting back the tears when I realize that in a few short weeks my baby, will be three years old and on her way to those pre-school years. Imagining what she'll look like, who she'll be....in another three....and another three...

Ok. I'm going to stop.

I'll stick to daydreams about my sweet two year old meeting Mickey and Minnie the night before her third birthday. And I'll smile sweetly when I remember that she still likes me to hold and rock her each night. She still rests her head on my shoulder when she gets upset. She still likes to sit on my lap and sometimes holds my hand. And just yesterday she said to me, "Mommy, I love your singing and praying to me at night."

Kind of like a dream come true...

bad blogger.

2010-08-09T14:12:00.000-07:00

I have been a bad blogger. I'll admit it. There's no excuse here. It's been on the back burner for awhile. Well, really it never made it to the stove. It's still in the freezer. Needing thawed. That's how bad I've been.

Let me promise you, that it's not been for lack of things to write about. It's more about lack of TIME to write about them!! This summer was chock full of changes for our little princess. And Mommy needed to be on her TOES. We took that pacifier away (best decision EVER!) and things began to get a little chaotic. Bedtime routine changed. Naptime routine changed. Attitudes changed. So Mommy and Daddy's discipline............changed.

Looking back now, it seems so simple. At the time though, these changes were HUGE in my mind. My baby was changing. She was growing up. She was two....and at times it seemed....well, terrible.

But, things are getting back to normal. We've re-established a healthy bedtime routine and have been free from night time tears for a few weeks. Olivia's just recently started napping again (which she had desperately tried to give up all summer....however it's crystal clear she needs one). And naptime means a little bit of me time. So I'm happy to welcome naps back to our daily schedule. And I think she's realizing that no matter what, Mom and Dad are in charge. So the little (sometimes big) episodes or fits? They are more controlled and can be put to a stop more easily.

All in all, this summer has been a learning experience for me. I was forced to step up my game a little bit, admit that I don't have all the answers, and rely on Him to give me strength. And it's been incredibly rewarding. Watching her "get it" and learn to deal with her frustrations in a different way has been so encouraging.

She is quite the little gift. Her package may be small, but there is nothing tiny about what's inside. Her personality is HUGE, she's got a lot of passion, and is smart and witty. She is SO much fun to be around and she makes every day so much brighter.

She has taught me so much about love. Unconditional love. And I am so thankful to have that kind of love oozing out of this home we're trying to build. I pray He puts a hedge of protection around us, that we might enjoy this kind of love for the rest of our lives.

And all of that to say?! This bad blogger hopes to become a better blogger soon! We have a lot of exciting things in store over the course of the next month, and I would be TERRIBLE to not share. So, here's to getting back in the swing of it....

booked.

2010-07-27T22:03:00.000-07:00

WE'RE HEADING TO DISNEY WORLD!!!!!

I am INCREDIBLY excited because I've just booked our first official family VACATION!!! Yes, we are in desperate need of a getaway, just the three of us, to relax and enjoy each other! One of the BEST parts of this trip is that we will be celebrating Liv's THIRD BIRTHDAY while there!!! I am told that she will get the "royal princess treatment." I can't imagine a better way to celebrate this VIBRANT little girl, than by being at Disney World. I just hope she doesn't expect this every year...... :)

So, I've been busy booking accommodations, dining reservations, and entertainment. If you have any DISNEY advice, please let me know! We will be dining at Cinderella's Royal Table on Olivia's birthday (of course, right?!) and we'll also visit Chef Mickey's. And one evening we're headed to the Spirit of Aloha dinner show which is AMAZING! Chocolate Lava Volcano Cake....um YEAH! I'm there!!! Can you tell I'm excited?!

I just can't decide who I'm more excited to meet: Belle or Ariel. Or maybe Tink. EEE!! I feel like a kid at Christmas! This vacation will be PRICELESS!!!!

brown & pink

2010-07-21T13:31:00.001-07:00

Recently, my dad wrote an article for Lookout Magazine, entitled Brown & Pink. The June issues' theme was on racial reconciliation. His article, inspired by our little Livy, is pretty powerful. The fact that we were a part of this makes me so proud. Thanks Dad, for writing such a real article. And thanks, for loving my family the way you do.

Below, are the scanned pages directly out of Lookout Magazine for you to see. However, you may want to read the article HERE.

Photographs by: Michael Gray Photography

friends

2010-07-01T09:52:00.000-07:00

This week as we spent time with our family and friends out west, I thought a lot about how we are incredibly blessed. We have friends and family, both near and far, that would do anything for us. And us for them. It's something that I hope we don't take for granted. Because I've had it the other way. I've had plenty of friendships that did not last. Maybe they left me, or I them. But as I've gotten older, I've realized that the number of friends I have is not important. Neither is the amount of time I've known those friends. What matters is that my friends know me. They've accepted me. And they've never left my side.

So with each new addition,

And every new friendship,

I pray we enjoy the moments we have together.

I pray we teach our children the importance of family,

friends,

and seizing every moment we have together.

So here's to friends that are more like family...

And family that is as close as friends...

And not caring about the difference.

on the way out

2010-06-21T18:02:00.000-07:00

I should not be posting right now. I should be packing...ugh! We are headed to PHX tomorrow to spend some time with family and friends. I am BEYOND excited about this trip for many reasons. But mostly, I am looking forward to spending time together. I hope our visit lifts MANY spirits...including mine ;). We will be celebrating THREE birthday's this week (more on that later) and my biggest wish of all is that we can CELEBRATE with joy, memories, and laughter.

So as we're on the way out I'd like to post some pictures of Olivia at our local library's "Pinkalicious" party! Pinkalicious is an adorable book, and our library did a fantastic job of throwing this party. The room was a sea of pink, as little girls were all dressed to the nine's in every shade of pink you could imagine. Olivia wore her Sleeping Beauty dress-up outfit, along with her pretend high heels......OOOOOH, it was fun!

Not sure what this face was all about?! Check out the heels ;)

Olivia, Ellie and Josie

I'm thinking we may need to have a "Purplelicious" party out in the desert!

caught red pink handed

2010-06-18T21:32:00.000-07:00

I think she was a little confused when I ran to grab my camera...

But then she saw me smiling BIG....so she smiled.

And then we had a long talk about why little girls don't wear such dark lipstick. I don't think she was satisfied with the chapstick I gave her instead ;)

the littlest ballerina

2010-06-16T18:58:00.001-07:00

You must start with the proper "gear." Footless tights and pointe shoes :)

Of course, you need a leotard (and possibly a tutu...) too.

And why not a tutu like this? Yes, why not? ADORABLE.

Of course, getting ready in all this ballerina dancer gear is tiring.

But totally WORTH it! And it definitely helps you pirouette better!

(please excuse the blurry. the crazy parents were left out in the waiting area, and the door only opened for the last five minutes of class....so I got what I could!)

Dance class is even better with your friends!!

Look at those "ballerina toes!" Hopefully Mommy will learn the right word for them soon...

She truly was the LITTLEST ballerina!

Next, she was off to TUMBLEBEAR!

(again...crazy parents were left out in the waiting area...so this is all I got.)

She still hasn't figured out how to jump with both feet at the same time! It was TOO cute watching her try!

a friendship is bloomin'

2010-06-10T13:04:00.000-07:00

so how'd we do?

2010-06-07T13:28:00.000-07:00

Well, this is the last picture taken of our princess with her beloved paci. It went well, better than I expected. There have been a few bumps in the road, but overall went great.

I am so proud of our Little Miss!

inspired, again.

2010-06-04T06:08:00.001-07:00

I guess you could call me inspired. Or motivated. Call it what you will, I'm just ready to be designing a little bit again. For so long, I shoved it on the back burner, even though it is a hobby that I thoroughly enjoy. But, now with a new computer (iMac!!!) and a new attitude (thank you Jesus!!!) I'm finally ready.

Now. Where to start?

I need a business name. And a business logo. Something that will stick. I'm thinking...throwing around some ideas...but in the meantime...

I'm slowly taking clients again. Maybe one or two per week. There is a little blurb about this on the sidebar of this blog. If you are interested, please let me know via email.

Here is a blog I just redid for a friend of mine. After several cute scrappy looks, it was time for a change. And I love the mod feel!

But even more than blogs, I've dabbled in custom invitation design. I've always LOVED invitations! They are the first impression your guests will have about your party...so I love them to be FAB! I have a random theory about parties that I'll share just 'cause. I like to focus on the invites and the cake. The cake will be captured in pictures to be remembered forever--so make it GREAT! And the invites can be saved. I save ALL of our custom invites and Christmas cards in a photo album. Brings back so many memories!

Here is an invite I did recently:

I have several other invites I'm really proud of! I'll post soon!

Happy weekend!

third times the charm

2010-06-02T18:32:00.001-07:00

I so hope the saying is true, because today, for the THIRD time in six months...we have taken Liv's pacifier away.

Yes, I know. About six months ago, I posted about how Liv was going potty in the big girl potty and we had taken the paci away. Oh, if it had only been that simple.

And it probably could've been. But I'm a sucker, and I don't like to see my girl unhappy. So, I am responsible (although I'll share a little of the blame with my husband) for our baby girl's addiction. Sure, in both instances, the timing was bad. The first time--ear infection. So we gave it back to help her sleep. The second time--I had to leave town unexpectedly, we had already taken it away, and things just went horribly downhill. She had been away from her momma for three days, was exhausted from a long trip, and just needed SLEEP. So, I dug through my niece's diaper bag at 2 am, the night before what promised to be an emotional day, and as LUCK WOULD HAVE IT...... found a brand new pacifier.

So, after careful consideration...I decided today would be the day. Hopefully things will be on our side this time!

I'll tell you, the actual method we've used has worked brilliantly (all three times). I've snipped the end off of the paci and left it out where she could find it. She'd put it in her mouth, discover it was "broken", have a mini-meltdown, and then give up on it. She became immediately disgusted by it, and didn't try to put it in her mouth again. In all three cases, it wasn't until bedtime when things got a little tense.

So tonight we prayed about it, I sang to her, and rocked her to sleep. She seemed comforted, but just a little uneasy. She did put all five fingers on top of her lips covering her mouth, and then fell asleep. But as long as she's not sucking her thumb or fingers...it's all good.

Wish us luck!

baby love

2010-06-02T13:54:00.000-07:00

We are in love with this little guy, our nephew Quincy. Olivia adores him. And he adores her.

I love this picture....just had to share!

a sweet treat

2010-06-02T07:17:00.001-07:00

I had a request several mornings ago for some Princess Pancakes. And since most mornings it is somewhat of a struggle to get Liv to eat breakfast--I was happy to oblige. Thus...my version of Princess Pancakes.

happy

2010-05-28T06:05:00.000-07:00

Do you ever just feel happy? Well, this week I made a choice. I chose to be happy. I chose to get out of bed each morning with purpose and intent. Not that I haven't always done that. But somehow, this year, with all that has happened, I got off track.

The last two weeks, I've been sad. Unmotivated. Moody. I felt defeated at every turn, and it was easier to stay at home, and hide from the world.

I know the weight of what has happened was the reason for my 'tude. But I realized, after two weeks of it, I DON'T like being sad. I hate pity parties. And I certainly don't want to give in. Or give up.

When Cindy passed, I told myself that I was going to try and honor her life by the way that I lived mine. She taught me so much, in life and in death, and I didn't want to forget. And I did great for a few weeks. I talked through things with others, was able to be strong for my dad, and overall felt good.

But then those two weeks came, and I was lost. I was hurting. I felt sad.

Thankfully, that was just a short season for me, and while I'm still sad, still mourning the loss of her life here on earth, I am happy, too. Because I know that she would want me to be. She would want me to love my husband, daughter, family, and friends with a twinkle in my eye. She would want me to live my life with some pep in my step. And she would want me to honor Him with my actions--every day. That's how she lived. Even in her darkest season of all.

Happy.

Sometimes it's a choice. And I believe choosing it is courageous.

Here's to being happy.

she wanted green

2010-05-27T08:03:00.001-07:00

I had her clothes picked out for storytime. A bright yellow and hot pink capri/baby doll shirt combo. Sooo cute. She picked it out at Gymboree. I just KNEW she'd be so excited to wear it!

I walked into her room this morning to get her dressed. She saw what was picked out....she looked at me...and said...

"I want GREEEEN!"

I must've looked confused. Cause then she said,

"I want a green shirt and gold shoes. Just like you."

mixed chicks

2010-05-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

I am always up for trying different products in Liv's hair. Especially, with a name like this. I think we need a bottle, just 'cause.

Just not sure if I'm ready to spend more on my daughter's hair regimen than my own!!

www.mixedchicks.net

sittin' poolside

2010-05-25T14:05:00.000-07:00

It got HOT this week! When you consider last week was rainy and in the lower 60's here--85 degrees feels hot. But we are thankful to see the sun shining! I LOVE the summer!!! And I have a feeling Liv does too!

Showing off her new swimsuit!

I love this little stinker!

This pool is a great size...big enough for the entire fam...and I spent less than $30 on it!

She LOVED it! (And I did too!)

We played AND I got a little tan!

All was well in paradise, until....I put the rashguard on her.

She was NOT happy about having to wear it!

She's napping now, but I have a sneaking suspicion that she'll

want to do it all again when Daddy gets home :)

chick flick

2010-05-15T20:27:00.000-07:00

It's Saturday night, and Hubs has to deejay. What did we decide to do?!

CHICK FLICK!

So, I scoured the tri-state area looking for a copy of The Little Mermaid...with no luck (except that we are now on the official wait list at the library). I was so disappointed because ~~it was my FAVORITE movie when I was younger and I was SOOO looking forward to seeing it again~~ I knew Liv would've loved it! So instead, I settled on Cinderella. A classic for sure. But not nearly as good as The Little Mermaid (I have to say here that Beauty and the Beast was a cloooose second for me....which I recently got to see again thanks to my dad saving old VHS tapes! I threw ours out a long time ago....oops)

The night went something like....

Bathtime...

Silly time....

Milk time....

Popcorn time...

Movie time....

Time to chew, Liv...

CHICK FLICK TIME!!!

The funny thing? Throughout the movie, Liv randomly held up this napkin and shouted....

"CHICK FLICK!!!"

I love that girl.

400 dresses

2010-05-13T07:45:00.000-07:00

A family friend of ours, in the Phoenix area, is taking on a BIG project! Her families goal?! Drill a water well in Africa. Their means?! 400 dresses. Let me explain.

She tells their story HERE, but basically they wanted this Christmas to mean something more. They will simplify their own holiday, in an effort to give in a different way. What's needed to drill a single water well that will allow 11,000-30,000 people access to safe, clean water?

$10, 150.

And she's going to raise that money by sewing pillowcase dresses! What makes this charity even MORE incredible? When I purchase a dress from the Etsy 400 Dresses Shop, I am purchasing not one but TWO dresses. And the second gets sent to a village in Uganda. The same village that will be benefiting from these efforts. If the thought of 200 little girls in Uganda being "twinkies" with 200 girls in the states doesn't bring a smile to your face.....

And get a matching shirt for you! And a 17" matching dress for your daughters doll! You have to check out her shop, and consider being a part of this incredible effort. TALK about a family project!

I think it's a fabulous idea and I'm so excited to be a part of it....I just had to share!

bored

2010-05-09T23:32:00.000-07:00

I was bored with the old layout. So I quickly made this header to match my old background. But it's not staying. Because next, I want something I l-o-v-e. Something colorful. And pretty. And modern. Something different. So until I find that perfect design.........this will satisfy my need for change. Because I like change. And I like designing. I've missed designing. But I'll be back. In a fresh, cool way. I'll be back in business.

Stay tuned...

have you had YOUR fiber today?

2010-05-05T12:39:00.000-07:00

a piece of my heart

2010-04-29T08:15:00.000-07:00

Over the past two weeks I've sat down a handful of times to write. Sometimes the words came. Most times they didn't. I've struggled with what to say. Because on one hand, I want to keep it all inside. As if doing so might protect the feelings and the tears. Other times the words flow freely, but with little organization. It's just emotions and memories swirling on the page. But I'm realizing that there's no right way to do this. So I've decided to just open my heart and see what comes out...

Above all, I am thankful. Thankful Cindy is in heaven with a Savior that she lived to praise. I'm thankful that she is no longer in pain. She's no longer fighting. Instead she is singing, and dancing, and smiling! She is truly healed and experiencing more JOY than we could ever imagine.

And for that I'm grateful. But for those left behind, the ache, the emptiness, the questions...they still linger. For those that loved her, the pain is far from gone...

My dad recently said that he hoped Cindy didn't know how much he was hurting. And I told him that I believed she couldn't see the pain. Or the hurt. Because I believe that heaven is a place where those feelings just don't exist.

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever." Revelations 21:4

But I also told him I believe that with every memory shared or tear shed, she can feel the love. And I truly do. No, she is not witnessing our sadness or Dad's loneliness. But I do believe over the past three weeks, as we've mourned and celebrated her life, that she's felt our love. I hope I'm right, because it brings me a lot of comfort.

I've learned many lessons throughout Cindy's 15 month battle with breast cancer. The majority of those she taught me by example. Some by her words. Many I learned from just watching my dad as he gave everything to be her caregiver. I hope to share more, and in time I will. But this is what is on my heart today...

Cindy fought a ferociously tough battle. And she fought that battle with an incredible amount of strength and courage. But what impresses me the most? She fought with grace and love. Patience and faith. Dignity...and hope.

At times when I'm sure she felt horrible she'd ask, "How are things with you?". She was always more concerned with how this experience was affecting us, than her. She never allowed the disease to make her bitter, negative, or faithless. Her days were beyond rough. Some were downright awful. But can't you see it in this picture? The sparkle in her eye? I can. Yes, she had questions. Yes, she had moments of despair. But through it all, she kept a sweet, gracious spirit. She smiled. And laughed. Above all, she loved.

And that's a gift she gave us all. A gift I will treasure forever.

race

2010-04-12T12:14:00.000-07:00

I didn't get to run yesterday. But my friends knew my heart, and had a piece of her there with them. I am so blessed.

Home

2010-04-08T11:47:00.001-07:00

Today is bittersweet. For there is a beautiful new angel worshiping at the feet of her Savior. And we celebrate that. But it's also a day of mourning. Because we can no longer see or touch a woman we deeply love. While our loss here on earth feels devastating, we know that she is home and in the arms of Jesus.

Dearest Cindy... Your impact on my life has been great. My soul is aching. I will miss you greatly. But I rejoice in knowing that you are finally healed, enjoying this extraordinary day in Heaven. Thank you for being such an incredible woman of strength and courage. Your legacy will live on in our hearts forever. I love you.

Stunning

2010-04-07T20:20:00.000-07:00

These words are not mine, they are my Dad's. I am so proud of him...

“Pray for healing. Complete, miraculous and stunningly breathtaking healing.”

When I wrote that request, on February 19, I knew God would answer our prayer. What I didn’t know then, but what is growingly increasingly clear to me now, was His divine choice in exactly how He would answer.

His answer has been “stunningly breathtaking.” Just 30-some hours ago, I told you about our need for help as we planned an alternative treatment plan. Many of you graciously responded. Cindy was accepted into the program and a treatment protocol was submitted for our review.

About 24 hours ago, however, Cindy’s physical body began a stunningly rapid decline. So quickly has her health deteriorated that her abused and frail body, apart from God’s divine intervention, appears to have fought its closing battle. Exactly when this battle will end, only God knows. I can only tell you that the speed has both stunned me and taken my breath away.

When the dear love of my life does release her body, that’s when her healing will truly be “complete.” And also “miraculous.” For as soon as she takes her last breath, in that very instant she will be in the presence of her beloved Jesus. Fully and forever alive, never to die again.

Please pray for her comfort until that moment.

Please pray for me and our entire family as we extend our love to her and to each other.

Please pray that the impact of my beloved hero’s way-too-brief life will only be superseded by the impact of her breathtakingly courageous journey through the valley of the shadow of death.

My Lord gave her to me. And now, apart from His miraculous intervention, He appears to be her taking away.

May the name of the Lord be praised.

2010-04-05T19:07:00.000-07:00

Meet Cindy. One of the strongest, most determined women I know. This is my favorite picture of her. This is a post diagnosis/pre treatment photo. My dad gave her this top and sweater, with a little "selection assistance" from me and my sister, Jess. Izzy was a newbie. Liv was almost one and a half. The ice cream truck was headed down the street--thus Liv's expression.

I cling to this image, mostly because I desperately want to see this Cindy back. I have to keep believing that we will. I pray and plead to Jesus to restore her body, mind, and her spirit. Right now? Things are uncertain. But there are many ways to pray. My dad has been writing weekly updates on Cindy's condition that can be found on her CaringBridge. A website has been set up at www.pray4cindy.com with other ways, in addition to prayer, that we can help.

Above all, please continue to pray for Cindy.

Pray that she is accepted into this alternative treatment program | Pray that the financial resources are made available so that if/when she is accepted, money is not a concern | Pray for her kids | Our family | Pray for my dad | Pray God continues to supply the strength needed for him to continue to be the provider and caretaker...a HUGE calling | Pray for complete and total healing from cancer | Pray

sleeping babe

2010-04-01T11:02:00.000-07:00

This sleeping babe has a right ear infection that is keeping her down. Poor baby fell asleep in my lap as I was talking on the phone. And that hasn't happened since before she was a toddling toddler. And she slept like this, right here on the couch, in the middle of broad daylight, for over an hour. Get well soon, Liv. We've got a big weekend ahead of us!

10 (and a half).

2010-03-27T17:51:00.000-07:00

I ran that today. I ran 10.5 miles today! The farthest distance I have ever run at once.

I am proud of myself. And I am encouraged for the "race" in two weeks. And I feel great! Ok, maybe a little stiff, but overall I feel pretty darn good.

But my soul?! Well it feels fantastic! Because I dug deep, pulled from a place within myself, and went further. With HIS help, a strong body, and some great motivators, I DID IT!

And I will RUN and FINISH this upcoming race with my head held HIGH.

And that?

Well, it feels pretty incredible.

the art of the part

2010-03-25T13:11:00.000-07:00

Trying to perfect the middle part...to go with

all those girly spring dresses stacking up in the closet.

Thank heavens spring is the way!

these hands...

2010-03-22T14:29:00.000-07:00

had a LOT of fun today.

it's a beautiful day

2010-03-18T12:52:00.000-07:00

This week I've been in a funk. Just not quite myself. Last weekend was a long one at work, the weather has been dreary, and I've had a lot on my mind. But TODAY?! Today is exactly what I needed. The sun is shining, it's warm outside, and I'm OFF this weekend!!

This morning Liv and I packed a lunch and headed out. We went to the mall first, for a quick stop (see post below..hee hee) and then we headed to the park. We laid on a blanket and enjoyed our lunch in the sun. Next we fed the not-so-hungry ducks (I think a LOT of people had the same idea today). Then we headed off on an "adventure" and explored the park and the

animals.

Liv, enjoying her PB&J

Shhh. These ducks are sleeping.

Feeding the ducks...

More bread, Mommy!

Look at the arm on that girl ;)

She loved the ducks. In fact a little too much.

I think she would've tried to pick one up had I let her!

Liv LOVED looking for squirrels.

She wanted to know where this one's Mommy was...

Missed you today, Daddy!

Loving this one.

You know what the best part of the afternoon was? We get in the car, and she says...

"I had fun with you today, Mommy."

Me too, Liv.

girly little things

2010-03-18T06:15:00.000-07:00

I love to shop for Olivia. I don't do it a lot (what's the definition of a lot?) But hey, she's a growing girl, and needs clothes right? At least that's what I tell myself! One thing about O's size is this: she will probably fit in some stuff she had last Spring. Those things will just fit differently. In fact, now that she is occasionally wearing only underwear...that has given her some extra space in her pants! But even so, she still needs some new clothing. And I've had my eye on a few things!

Remember the panda line at Gymboree this fall? Well, I think it has met it's match!

The Daisy Fields line at BabyGap is TOO MUCH! Seriously, so adorably cute!

Can I get these in my size?

<<---------my favorite!

Can't you just see an outdoor photo shoot in this perfect little eyelit dress?

I promise I don't work for Gap, but I do have friends and family 30% off coupons if you're interested! Leave a comment with your email, and I'll get them to you!

Now, we're off for a day out in the sunshine....(and maybe a stop in at Gap)

don't know where she gets it

2010-03-17T19:05:00.001-07:00

Look at that pose! She came up with that one all on her own!!

Movie night was a success! Teal cupcakes with green icing, pizza, and a special Tiana dress made our Tiana Party one to remember...

what we'll be doing tonight

2010-03-17T08:50:00.000-07:00

I love Mondays.

2010-03-15T14:54:00.000-07:00

I love Mondays...because it's all about me and my Liv. Our typical Monday after working the weekend is spent together, doing something fun, or nothing at all.

When Liv finally woke up this morning, I made her some scrambled eggs, which she was not AT ALL interested in (funny b/c she demolished them two mornings before!). SO, I made an executive decision. And we headed to a local favorite:

THE DONUT BANK!

My Caffe' Mocha was good, but probably not as good as this:

She ate around the top of the sprinkled, iced chocolatey goodness, until....

This was all that remained. She was finished.

She said this was for me. I asked her why I didn't get to have a bite with sprinkles and icing on it. She said, "Ahh, I'm sorry Mommy!" And she picked up a single sprinkle that had fallen on her tray, and handed it to me. Ahh, thanks Liv.

an update in pictures

2010-03-09T12:23:00.000-08:00

This little girl is my JOY. There are days (many lately) when life just doesn't make sense. The pain and hurt we go through sometimes seems to outweigh the beauty around us. But this little one? She is happiness. She has been my sunshine on dark days. Pure JOY.

Her smile is contagious. Are you smiling right now? She is getting two teeth at the moment, which will leave a place for just one more. She's never just gotten one single tooth. Always two, or three, or four (in the case of her molars)! Yikes! She's a champ.

One of the things I love most about her is her silly demeanor. She can sure make us laugh. And this little girl can ACT! Just last night my husband said that she "could definitely make a good actress or singer someday." She loves to entertain!

She is also a little daredevil. She'll try anything once! She is now "climbing" on and over anything and everything. When we were in AZ, she "climbed" up the "mountain" (a little hill of gravel rock in the landscaping at my dad's) over and over. She loves to go on adventures!

I love to see her so happy. It makes me happy. I can't linger in despair or sadness very long with her around. One of my biggest prayers for Olivia, is that she would be a happy, kind person. I would give anything for her to always be happy. But I know that's not how the world works. I know that not all her days will be pleasant. But I pray that as she grows up and finds a life of her own...that it is as happy and fulfilling as it can possibly be.

This is Liv with a little frog prince from one of her princess toys. Today she pretended that it was Prince Naveen from The Princess and the Frog, which by the way was Olivia's first movie in the theater. And she saw it...three times. We already have a whole collection of Tiana-gear from the movie. I am so happy that this movie was her first! It was special for SO many reasons! Hubby spent some time on YouTube gathering url's of movie clips...and they watch them together on the laptop! It is beyond precious. We are anxiously awaiting the release of the DVD next week!

See...I told you she could act and pretend! She's playing it up for the camera!

Going in for a smoooooooch! Liv, Mommy and Daddy say that your PRINCE WILL HAVE TO WAIT! So don't go getting any ideas!!!

A side note: notice how grown she looks here. Her legs are getting so long!

Her legs aren't the only thing growing! Besides getting taller and weighing in at an impressive (haha) 22.5 pounds.........just look at all that HAIR! Daddy gets the credit for those beautiful curls, and he TAKES the credit, believe me!

Olivia got something else of Daddy's too. His FEET! Yep, flat as can be! I have always teased Darin for having flat feet...and now Olivia has them too! But they are the sweetest little feet I've ever seen. And she LOVES when her toes are painted. Such a girly girl!

Liv being silly, once again. Her feet are the dollhouse visitors! I'm still trying to get her to play dollhouse the "real" way (whatever that is). But she insists on being GIANT Olivia and put her feet through the windows and doors. She also likes to huff and puff...and try and blow the little people down. I promise, I don't make this stuff up! We play this "game" nearly every day!

She sure makes a cute giant...

Yes, life is not easy. If I could, I would wave my magic wand and make all the bad things in life go far away. But I can't. So, I'm trying to live life with as much grace, love, and happiness as I possibly can. I don't want to have a single regret. I'm not there yet. May never actually get there. But I'm going to try, and when I fail, I'm going to try again. And again. Because she deserves that. So, when I'm sad about those awful things in life, when I want to give in and let the sadness take over,

I'm going to look into these beautiful brown eyes...

And this gorgeous smile...

and I'm going to press on.

a rundown

2010-03-05T08:43:00.001-08:00

Well, we're back. We've been back for a week and a half now...and it seems I'm still playing catch up. Actually....it always seems as though I'm playing catch up, so I guess it's nothing new?! We are slowly returning to our "normal" schedule of gym time, errands, and social activities. I've worked a few extra shifts in the ER to help out some folks that helped me. In fact, in a few hours I'm headed back....and will work 17 hours of the next 24. I'll head home around 11 this evening, sleep for a few, and be back by 6:30 AM! Whoo. Hoo.

Since we've been back, I've struggled with what I should write regarding our trip. It's been difficult to put into words. I will say that our trip, although one of the hardest things I've done/seen/experienced...was a blessing. I am so thankful that God tugged on my heart three weeks ago and we went. I am thankful for a husband that supported my decision in an instant--though it meant he would be without his wife and daughter for many days. I am thankful to have had the ability to help out around their house--doing the everday ordinary. I am SO thankful for the family and friends that we were able to spend time with...I even had a fun girls night out! There were lots of little blessings scattered throughout a tough week and a half.

One of these days I will write about what STRENGTH I saw in the two individuals that are at the forefront of this battle. Cindy...the one who is fighting. My dad...the one who is caretaking and encouraging. I have learned so much from both of them. Lessons about courage and determination. I have watched their lives transform as a result of this awful disease, yet HOPE, FAITH, and LOVE still prevail.

Wordless Wednesday {pre-chemo hugs}

2010-02-17T19:48:00.001-08:00

round three begins

2010-02-15T14:36:00.000-08:00

Today marked the first day of Cindy's third round of chemotherapy. A very important day indeed. It's incredible how just one week ago we thought we she was done with treatments. Talk about the world turning upside down.

We took the trip down to chemo this morning. It was not really what I expected. I'm not really sure what I expected actually. But it was different. Everyone was incredibly kind. Olivia ran circles around the lobby coffee table. She made the other patients smile. She made me smile. She is an incredible little girl.

After the initial consult with the doctor, Libby (my stepsister) and I were allowed to walk back the room where they administer the chemotherapy. I sat beside a lady who was there with her husband. She told me of his struggle and then talked with excitement about their six grandchildren and two great-grandchildren. It was nice to share that moment of semi-understanding with a complete stranger.

All things considered we're doing pretty well. I'm thankful to have had this opportunity to come out here and be a support to my family. Please continue to pray for Cindy and her healing. Pray that this chemo works, for minimal side effects, and complete and total healing from cancer. HE is more than able.

today

2010-02-10T19:44:00.000-08:00

This afternoon was spent packing. Packing for a last minute trip out west. Twelve hours prior to leaving, last minute. Under normal circumstances I would have been ecstatic. Stressed, but ecstatic.

But not today.

No, today was filled with shock. Anxiety. Questions. Tears. More questions. Prayers. More tears.

Yes, today was no ordinary day.

Under normal circumstances I would've packed my camera. I would've spent the afternoon deciding which pair of heels went best with each top. What jewelry I would pack for each outfit.

But not today.

Today I was a frantic packer. Not giving a second thought about what ended up in the suitcase, just so long as we had clothes.

Today was by no means, an ordinary day.

Today, several friends reached out to me. Some lifelong friends. Some new. All special, nonetheless. One in particular, came at the perfect moment...showing me that I DO have friends here that care for me. C, the kindness you showed me today, will never be forgotten.

I can't yet put into words exactly what happened today. In part because I'm not entirely sure of all the details, but also because it's just so raw. There are two things I do know.

I hate cancer.

and...

HE is still on the throne.

I am mad. I am hurting. I am scared. And I feel helpless.

But HE is still on the throne.

And right now, in this moment....that's all I need.

post-it note Tuesday

2010-02-09T13:08:00.000-08:00

I love Post-its! Here goes:

This was fun! I've been looking for a cool blog carnival to participate in...guess I found one! Cute AND sassy! Thanks SUPAHMOMMY!! I'll be back next Tuesday ;)

it snowed. again.

2010-02-09T10:20:00.000-08:00

Can you tell how excited I am about the snow? I'm just really, REALLY, ready for spring. Bright days, warm air, and an endless number of things to do outdoors. I'm SO ready!

BUT, the snow is beautiful! And it is fun to play in. So we got out there this morning! I shoveled the driveway (getting a little caloric burn in ;) and Liv played. Then we decided to build a snowman. Well, actually a snowgirl. Which is what Liv named our little cold-weather-friend.

Meet "Snow Girl"

Picasso, Van Gogh, Olivia Grace

2010-02-03T14:11:00.000-08:00

I believe as parents, it's our job to expose our children to all sorts of experiences. I would love for Olivia to sing because that's what I did. Darin would like for her to play sports, mainly basketball, because that's what he did. But more importantly, we have vowed to try and give her experiences of a wide variety, to find out which activities she enjoys and excels at.

So....today was painting day. Olivia woke up and KNEW that's what we were going to do. We were both excited. And before we began, I'd already had that talk with myself....

"Self, there's nothing she can do that cannot be cleaned up. If paint gets on clothes, tile, or furniture....it CAN be cleaned up. Now breathe, and let her really get creative and enjoy this."

So I did. And she LOVED it. Every stinkin minute of it.

Getting serious

her "masterpiece"

is she not a-dor-a-ble?

I love the face she's making here...really getting into it!

happy with her work

time to change it up a bit

getting WILD

She came up with this on her own...

And she got so into her painting, that she forgot to......well.......

tell Mommy she had to use the restroom

She continued painting bare bottomed....until of course it came time for her bath.

And after bathtime? Well, naptime for Liv. Clean-up for me. Thank goodness for Dawn and Magic Erasers.

a new year month

2010-02-02T13:57:00.000-08:00

~~We're more than halfway into the first month of the new year.~~

I started writing this post in January. It's now February. Excuse? Hmmm. I've been busy?! Does that work?

I'll start again.

We're NOW a few days into the second month of the new year and I figure it's HIGH time I get back into the swing of blogging...regularly. I love to blog. I enjoy writing, reading, and posting pictures. I honestly love it! But, when things start to get crazy, it's the first thing to go. I hate that! I don't want Olivia to ask me one day, "Hey Mom, what happened in between years two and three?". So, whether it be once a week, or every single day, I want to document Olivia's childhood using this blog. It is so very precious to me...

Especially, now that I may have lost a TON of pictures that were on the hard drive of our desktop computer. We're not sure that they're lost, yet. I am praying that a computer genius will be able to save these precious memories. SO....IF they are in fact lost....I am so happy that I have this blog. My favorite pictures are on this blog. Which is all the more reason to keep up with it!

Another goal of mine is to....drumroll please....

Run a HALF MARATHON!!!

Yes, I still can't believe it myself...13.2 miles! And I want to do it before I turn 30...which is this JUNE....so...I'll be running my first ever race in April. I am currently training, working on my endurance, breathing, and some heel/ankle pain I'm experiencing. But I WILL run it! I am determined to do so!

I don't know about you, but sometimes I put limitations on myself. Like, there's NO WAY I could ever make a career out of designing. Or, I could NEVER run more than five miles at a time. OR, I'll never lose this last ten pounds! Well, let me tell you, I'm tired of the limitations. I've been blessed with a sound mind, a strong body, and (I'd like to think) a determined spirit. This is going to be my year. It's going to be the year that I let those limitations go. I want to push myself. I want to set goals and reach them. THIS is the year.

The obvious goal is of course to finish the marathon. The goal within the goal, is to run the entire marathon. Currently, I am running at about a 10.5 minute mile. By the end of this month, I would like to be running closer to a 10 minute mile. And I would LOVE to finish the race in 2 hours and 16 minutes. Or less.

Wow, that just sounds so BIG.

I have lots of other goals for the year. Here's a list, although I'm writing these down more for my own benefit. I want to look back throughout the year and see how many of these I accomplished. Some are kind of silly....

* I want to find a hairstyle I really like, and stick to it. (I hate "lol" but it really fits here) lol.

* I want to go somewhere tropical with my husband for our anniversary.

* I want to spend some time with my best friends this summer. Girls only.

* I want to try new healthy recipes

* I want to teach Olivia her letters and numbers before she goes to preschool

* I want to scrapbook a single picture each month this year. I want to make a very artsy book at the end of the year.

* I want to find a skin care regimen I LOVE. Any suggestions?

* I want to continue invest in new friendships.

* I want to seriously lose those last few pounds.

* I want to spend more time "dating" my husband.

There are a few others...but those things I'll keep near and dear to my heart. In general, I want this year to be a good one for me and my family. I wish for happiness, peace, healing, blessings, and much love.

duct tape really is a lifesaver

2010-02-02T13:47:00.000-08:00

What do you do when your daughter has three pairs of snow gloves, none of which are to her liking?

You let her wear the pair that she wants. The pair that allow her fingers to "move" and you find a way to waterproof them yourself.

Thus....the duct tape.

you know you're old

2010-01-31T19:40:00.001-08:00

when your birthday cake nearly catches the place on fire AND you suffer from symptoms of smoke inhalation...simply from blowing out your thirty candles.

Happy Birthday, babe.

this week

2010-01-24T19:38:00.000-08:00

we'll be back....i promise.

He is faithful.

2010-01-24T06:39:00.000-08:00

A week ago Wednesday, my stepmom Cindy began experiencing renewed seizure activity. Her MRI was bumped up, and we fervently prayed that it would show no new tumors or growth.

He is faithful.

The MRI did show a tumor. But just one. Remember back in August? There were over sixteen?

He is faithful.

The doctors called this last tumor stubborn. They would need to do a Gamma Knife procedure, pinpointing the exact location of the tumor, and zap it away. Great things have been said about Gamma Knife. Spirits were lifted.

He is faithful.

This week, upon further review, the doctors believe that Gamma Knife is not necessary. They believe this final stubborn tumor is dying and surrounded by much swelling. They will wait and do another MRI in five weeks. Chemotherapy for now (hopefully... prayerfully forever) is over.

He is faithful.

Thank you for your prayers, love, and support. Please continue to pray as this journey is not yet over. I pray that it will be very, very soon.

There's a little light shining through the dark clouds.

He is faithful.

Peace, be still

2010-01-15T07:56:00.001-08:00

Yesterday, I read this little book to Liv for about the 100th time. It's a Sing-a-Story, meaning you "sing" the book to the tune of a familiar song, in this case Row, Row, Row Your Boat.

After we read, Olivia started asking questions.

"Why did the wind stop, mama?"

And I'd answer, "Because Jesus said 'Peace, be still!" and he is so powerful, and so mighty, that the wind obeyed.

"But why was He sleeping?"

"Because He was not afraid. He was trusting God. He knew everything would be ok."

"Oh, ok. Mama?"

"Yes, Livy?"

"Why the wind stop?"

And we went on and on for quite awhile...

Today is a huge day for my family and I have a lot weighing on my heart and mind. I'm quiet this morning. Anxious. On the verge of tears.

I know Liv senses it. She realizes so much at such a young age.

As I emptied the dishwasher a few minutes ago, I set Liv up at the counter with her play-doh. She was so content. Happily chopping and mixing the play-doh colors. Then...

"Mama?"

"Yes, Liv?"

"Why the wind stop?"

And as tears filled my eyes, I answered, "because Jesus said, "Peace, be still."

He works in incredible ways, doesn't He? In my moment of sadness and fear, my two year old reminded me of His power. His might. That HE is in control.

So, today I plead with Him to say those words and let this horrific journey come to an end.

Peace, be still...