An update.

I haven't been blogging.  Obviously.  So, I've been thinking about what/how to change that.  Truth be told, it's just not as big of a priority any longer.  Groceries, laundry, preschool, work, exercise, and getting on the floor with these precious kiddos are my priorities.  And after tackling all of these things, the actual act of blogging (writing, editing, uploading, etc) isn't always appealing to me.  But I LOVE to go back through all my old posts and read about our little Princess in Training.  This blog is a treasured keepsake of mine.  And I'm afraid that if I don't invest the same amount of energy posting now that Isaiah has joined our family, it will become a deep regret of mine.  So, baby steps I will try to take. 

Starting with tonight and these iPhone pics:

Sweet Liv and her new cousin, Madison.  My brother got hitched a week or so ago, and we are thrilled to have a growing family!  These girls play so well together!  Madison is older, but Liv can keep up quite well, and they play for HOURS with few toys and lots of imagination.  I had the joy of watching our daughter truly bond with another little girl during our last visit...and I was so proud!  Of both of these girls!  And I'm so excited to watch their sweet relationship grow.  And I must say, they were the two most beautiful flower girls, ever!

My precious boy. Wow, where do I begin?! I am so thankful for this little guy. The mother/son bond is really something. Everyone always says so, but until you actually experience it you just don't know. I'm sure it's similar for daddys and their girls, too. It is just so special. I'm so thankful He chose for me to experience both.

And these two?!  They are two peas, let me tell you.  When one sees the other, their face lights up.  It is a beautiful thing.  Liv is a little Mommy, always helping me take care of her brother.  And Isaiah has her wrapped around his little finger.  He can barely get two squeals out after waking from his nap, before she is tugging on my leg to get him up.  They will always have a special bond, of that I am already sure!

And here is our little guy already sitting up on his own.  It happened about a week ago...and had we not recently been traveling it would've happened a week sooner, I'm sure.  Olivia sat up at 5 1/2 months as well.  Another weird fact?!  Both weighed 12 lbs 12 oz at their 4 month checkups.  So weird.

Isaiah is loud and busy.  Sweet and cuddly.  Passionate and playful.  And he is just about the smiliest baby ever.  He loves getting kisses and is always trying to stand up on his own.  His laugh is precious.  He is somewhere around the 14 lb mark, wears 3-6 month clothing, and has tried a little bit of cereal.  He is really starting to play with toys, well if by "play" you mean grab and put it in his mouth.  He's great at that!

Me? Well, I'm....happy.

I'm trying to live in the moment more and worry less.  I'm trying to keep growing...into the wife and mommy that He desires me to be.  My plate is full.  And I am tired, a lot.  But I know these are precious blessings I've been given.  I have a beautiful family to care for.  No, all days are not easy.  I am still learning and making plenty of mistakes along the way.

But at the end of the day, there is love in our home.  Lots of love.  And to me that's what really matters.

                                  

Can you believe...

...that this "big" princess is FOUR?!

Yes sirrr, she sure is!  This last birthday felt BIG.  

Maybe it's because she started Pre-school last month.  She was so excited.  And my little social butterfly has loved every moment.  No tears.  No anxiety.  At least not on her part.  

This little one is full to the brim with PERSONALITY.  She is a natural born performer.  She lit up the stage at her ballet recital this year.  She is constantly singing and dancing.  She is very entertaining, for sure!

Four years.  I can't believe it.  

And this little one?  Four months.  Holy.  Whoa.  This being my second child, I THOUGHT I knew how fast time would fly.  But man.  Oh man, it seems like he was just discharged yesterday.  

I love him.  He has filled my soul with more love and joy than I thought possible.  Isaiah Drake is the perfect addition to our little family.  

Oh, how I miss blogging.  Life has been a bit crazy for me, but I am committed to making more time for this!  Liv was around five months old when I started blogging really consistently.  Maybe the same for Zay-zay (Liv's nickname for her brother)?  I hope so!  Juggling is hard, and when I have free time now I am either playing with the kids or passed out on the couch.  HA!  

Send HAPPY BLOGGING thoughts my way!!!  I am hoping to update you on each kiddo...individually soon!!  Love to all...

Precious little faces.

My heart was heavy this evening as I read about a sweet little baby that left her courageous parents today to fall into the arms of her Heavenly Father.  I cannot imagine.  I am so humbled.  And so thankful.  All I want to do right now is rush home, embrace these two little wonders, and never ever let go. 

I had to see them.  Luckily I had a couple videos on my phone.  I've watched them a few times throughout the evening, and probably will a few more.  And when I get home in the wee hours of the morning, I will hold her, then him. I will tell them that I love them, and will thank God for their precious lives.

(....Liv's video uploaded in two parts...)

The NICU

*I started writing this post about 8 weeks ago.  Forgive the delay.  I wanted to do this experience justice, for myself and Isaiah.  This whole multiple kid thing has thrown me for a loop ;)

About 36 hours after giving birth to our son, things were going great.  The morphine fog had cleared, allowing me to eat, get up and shower, even fix my hair.  I was moved to a larger room with a nice queen size bed and lots of room to breathe.  Liv was in love with her new brother and would not put him down.  Family and friends were visiting, snapping pictures, and celebrating.  Yes, day two was wonderful.  Until...

A nurse came in to do a routine temp check on Isaiah.  It read 100.9, five tenths of a degree higher than what is considered within normal range.  She said she would let the nursery know.  I wasn't too terribly concerned as the room was fairly warm and he had been swaddled.  Not forty minutes later, the same nurse returned to the room with a solemn look on her face.  She didn't have to say anything.  I knew she was going to take my baby.  She told me they were going to be "admitting him to the NICU" and a neonatologist would be in shortly to answer our questions.

I was shocked.  I hear those words all the time at work.  We are constantly told such and such is going to be admitted here or there.  But this was my child.  And he was being admitted to the NICU.  Serious stuff. What was wrong with my baby?

I took a few moments (seconds really) to say goodbye to Isaiah, and then watched as the nurse hurriedly whisked my baby away.  Then the tears came.  And my hands shook.  My dad asked if I wanted to pray.  Angrily I said, "No.  I don't want to pray.....I don't want to do anything."  I collapased into my pillow and sobbed.  How could this be happening?  Again?  Olivia had a fairly severe case of jaundice.  It was so painful to leave the hospital without her in my arms.  Still today it is one of the hardest things I have ever done.  In. My. Life.  Throughout my pregnancy with Isaiah, it never occured to me it might happen again.  I assumed that he would be coming home with me.  So, in addition to being scared and worried about my son's health...I was angry.  I'm ashamed to admit that.  But I was...furious.  How could He allow this to happen...for the second time?

The Neonatologist came to my room and explained that this was routine due to Isaiah's elevated temperature.  They were going to start antibiotics right away just in case there was an infection somewhere.  They would give the culture time to grow, as few as three days, as many as five.  He said they were considering Isaiah a "well baby" until they knew otherwise.  We just had to wait.

In the meantime, I was encouraged to continue nursing which meant we could visit at least every three hours or so.  I was relieved that we'd still be able to have contact with our son.  When we went in for the first time, I wasn't at all prepared for what I saw.  There he was hooked up to all kinds of beeping monitors.  The tiny blood pressure cuff had left red markings on his arms.  His head was taped with the IV line that would administer his antibiotics.

It wasn't until he was in my arms that I felt a sense of peace. And in that moment I realized how foolish I was to be angry with God. I asked Him to forgive me and I plead that He shower his mercies on Isaiah. Let this be nothing, Father. Don't let anything grow on that culture. Please, please, please...no infection. Lord, I don't want to leave this hospital without my baby...

I learned once again that God's ways are not always like ours.  I'll never know what caused Isaiah's temp to spike.  The culture grew nothing, chest x-rays were good, and no diagnosis was ever made.  He spent time in the NICU to essentially rule-out infection.  And after four days in the hospital, my husband and I left without our baby.

Two days later Isaiah was up for discharge! To say I was overjoyed would be an understatement! One day I'll tell this little man how my heart raced all morning. I'll tell him that I fought back the tears while we got him dressed (in an outfit that his NICU nurses said fit his personality to a tee!)...

I'll tell him about how we adjusted his shoulder straps about fifty times before his nurse was satisfied...nearly driving Mommy B-A-N-A-N-A-S because I was so ready to get him outta there! 


Honestly though? I am so grateful for all the ladies that cared for this little prince!



I'll tell him how amazing his Daddy was through it all.  He was so good to me.  I'll tell Isaiah about how in my darkest, most emotional moments his Daddy held me together.  He unselfishly gave, at times putting his own emotions on the back burner.  I'll tell him that we must've made that walk down to the NICU at least fifty times, and that there is no one else with whom I'd rather walked.   I'll tell him how that week reaffirmed a thousand times why I married his Daddy.

My sweet boy,

I love you more than words can say.

The day we brought you home was and will remain to be one of the happiest days of my life.

I pray for God's wisdom as we raise you, that you would be an incredible man just like your Daddy.

You have so many that love you, little one.  

Your big sissy thinks you hung the moon, and since bringing you home has been in love!

You have completed me in ways that I had no idea needed completing.
Olivia says that "we got the best baby boy for us."

I think she's right.  You are the best.

My heart is so full.

I love you, Isaiah.



Goodbye, NICU!

The NICU will always hold a special place in my heart.

The hallway we walked several times each day.





Isaiah spent less than two hours here.  Room 3006.  Mommy and Daddy's 2nd honeymoon...minus the #uknowwhat.



i melt.

when i stare at these two little faces, i melt.

they are beautifully amazing.

they are incredible little miracles.

and i am overwhelmed.

he is... 

well, he's perfect.

and the little booger has stolen my heart.

wow. 

look at that face.

mama's got it bad.

and she...

there are no words.

she is precocious, outgoing, hilarious, and so so sweet.

and she is gor-ge-ous.

i'm the momma.  i'm allowed to say that.

being momma is not always easy. 

but when she wraps her arms around my neck...

when he sees me and gives me a cheesy grin...

i know i'm exactly where i need to be.

i melt.

One month...already?

Time never stands still...am I right?  And while it never does slow down....it seems to speed by with a new baby.  Those newborn moments are fleeting...

This is my little one month old.  He's been growing and changing daily.  I love his grin.

He's as handsome as he is sweet.  He's loud, sometimes cranky, and very particular.  He knows what he wants!  I have no doubt he will keep me on my toes!

Momma loves you, Isaiah!

pure bliss.

I wanted to share these precious moments because they represent so much to me.  We watched as our daughter welcomed her baby to the family with an intense amount of love!  She gave him a Lambie of his own, that she picked out all by herself.  She was so sweet to Isiaiah showering him with kisses of adoration.  My heart melted as I watched our first baby love on her little brother.

A few hours after these pictures were taken, Isaiah was whisked off to the NICU where he spent what seemed to be a very very long five days.  That experience was incredibly difficult to have to go through. For a second time, I had to leave the hospital without my baby.

There were, however, some bright moments sprinkled throughout those hard days.  Moments that kept me....well, sane.  Moments that I will forever cherish.  As soon as I can get a post together, I'll share...